i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he was CRYING into my vagina
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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