so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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