I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
