At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
