Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
