Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
