Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
