Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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