Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
