He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All the doctor said was why
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
