Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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