"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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