My cat gives me a boner
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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