What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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