Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
