You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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