why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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