Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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