And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
