so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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