apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
