When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I FOUND THE LEGS
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
