I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
