the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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