Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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