you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
