I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
