This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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