I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
