He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
