drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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