You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
