i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
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He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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