The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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