If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
