It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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