no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
