She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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