I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
