my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
