I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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