What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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