it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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