I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
