Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
