I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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