I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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