I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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