She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
