true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
