No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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