first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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