I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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