My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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