the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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