I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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