kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
