My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
