why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
