I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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