So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
